missing home
I miss JAmaica. I miss the warmth of the Jamaican sun and the raunchy jokes, bold attitudes and raucousness of my Jamaican people. I miss the patois. The vendors. I miss the fruity sweet smell that accompanies mango season….and all the other seasons that don’t include dirty snow and layers of clothes. I miss my family and seeing pickney playing on the green soft grAss. I miss seeing their heads full of plaits or braids, and their uniforms neatly fitted…only to be stained with childhood memories at the end of the day. I miss seeing my brothers grow. I fear we will not be as close as we were when i first laid their little heads Against my chest. I miss my friends…i miss the genuineness and comfort of true friendship…i fear i will not create close friendships with ppl here because they will not be able to relate…i am tired of the shallow banal awkward bullshit i am surrounded by…i miss having conversations that are not forced by alcohol ..i do not feel like myself in this place…i cannot walk on the ground barefooted in this place..i cannot hang my clothes on a line to dry in this place…i cannot celebrate my birthday with my family in this place…i am lost in this place..i never got to see my grandmother before she died because i was in this fucking plAce…THIS THIS THIS will forever tear at my heart..she was my life and i was here when she died….GOD guide me please in this place..i am a recluse in this place….i miss the honesty of strangers and the conviction that reveals itself when ppl actually stand up for what is right..i miss seeing nappy head ppl …colourful stories and genuine smiles… i miss my home…i miss my culture.i miss jamaican djs…and made up dances…i miss street sessions and big sound systems playing on the street side.. i miss dancehall….. reggae..ska..soca..bulla and cheese…newspaper boys…..church… sunday dinner…street shops…corner store….rivers…salt water…lasco mackerel and rice…ten ppl gathered in a room giving laugh fi peas soup… poetry…labrish..mix up..stray dogs….basket..bubbles…jamaican flag….sky juice…drops..gizzadA…bun and cheese…rasta man…goaTs…donkeyS…cows..pigs…kite season… cricket… football…not AMERICAN FOOTBALL…NOR SOCCER…FOOTBALL…i miss it all…even the bumboclaats and rassclaats and the kiss teet’s.. i am stuck in jamaica…my heart is forever stuck in jamaica…my youth is stuck in jamaica… i feel like i cannot breathe here not in this noxious air….i have been forced to grow up too fast…without my family And loved ones.. i do not feel any warmth in toronto… my heart has gotten cold to this city..i feel like i fought in vain to stay somewhere i do not want to be…now i am stuck. shout out to all the immigrants whose hearts are still at home….
